It happens to the best of us right. The daunting realization that you’ve put on a few pounds, or in my case quite a few. Well, I’ve seen the light… Well actually, it was my grandmother that saw the light. My grandmother is 72 years young and if you know anything about the older generation, you know that they tell it like it is. After all the years that they have put in on this earth exceeding their contribution to society, they say what they want with no apologies.
“Hm, looks like it’s time for us to put you on a treadmill”. Yep, absolutely no apologies.
Except one that came from me, “I’m sorry?” Not that I was actually sorry but more so I was looking for clarification. Had my sweet nana really just shade me to the point of a severely over casted sky? Yes. Yes, she had.
At first, like I usually take shade-like commentary, I called my sister and gave a monumental vent/rant (we can start calling this a vant to keep it short) and then proceeded to take it with a grain of salt. But like I said that was just a first. Then I started to realize that my clothes were in fact tighter and that I was sucking my no longer toned tummy in a lot more and that maybe a treadmill would in fact be conducive to my life. But let’s face it, I was busy so I took it as seriously as I could in that moment. Turns out, I was only serious enough to make it into the gym every once in a while and eat well throughout the week for the most part and then binge on the weekends. It wasn’t a lot but it was more than before and that gave me enough comfort to kind of not make any progress.
It wasn’t until my dad called me his little cherub that things started to change. The definition of a cherub is this: a winged angelic being described in biblical tradition as attending on God (Google). Aw shucks, cute right? Daddy’s little angel. False! The image of a cherub (I’m roughly quoting Google here) is depicted as a chubby, healthy-looking child with wings. So correction, I was Daddy’s CHUBBY little angel. As you can see, I blamed my nana’s age but clearly my whole family is great at shading, even if it is coated in an angelic compliment.
I guess I’m just someone who needs clarification because as I sat in the shadiest part of my mind lost my thoughts under this imaginary tree with a plethora of branches covered in leaves so thick that I could not see the sun, again my response was, “I’m sorry?”. Only I wasn’t sorry, I was chubby. However, I did get more clarification from my dad, which was different than my previous interaction with my nana. He told me that he loved me and that I was beautiful but that I had gained weight.
So again, (I am who I am) I called my sister to vant! Went through all points of the conversation and she was very supportive just like before but something had changed. I believed him. I believed my dad when he said he loved me. And I believed him when he said that I was beautiful. And despite my despair, I believed him when he said I was chubby. Then I thought back to my nana, and even though I still believe that “mature” people say what they want even if it’s rude, I also believe that she loves me too and only said what she had out of love. It was shady love but love none the less.
One thing that my dad did mention that stayed with me, is that if I was okay with the weight than he was too. That’s was really made all the difference. This is because it actually challenged me to really think about it. Was I okay with the weight?
The answer was clear and immediate. No. No, I’m not okay with the weight. Not just because I looked chunky. The truth of that matter is that I hold my weight pretty well. I am bottom heavy so most of my weight is in my lower half. Which is why it crept up on me like a thief in the night trying to steal my joy. I had changed more than just my size physically and that’s what I want to change. I was ALWAYS tired. I was ALWAYS thinking about my weight. I was ALWAYS sitting. ALWAYS. It had to change.
You might be wondering what my next step was? My next step was to start doing better. Eating better. Training better. Sleeping better. Thinking better. Not just to lose the weight but because I want to be a better me.
So, this particular portion of my blog will be dedicated to health. Full of encouragement to love yourself no matter what that devilish scale tells you. I hope it can build a community where people can share tips and tricks and support each other. I, of course, will be posting here about what I learn, my progress and anything that I think can be helpful. Now, let’s get healthy peeps!